Over the last few weeks we have had much turmoil and heartache as we have faced the closing of our dance studio. Things transpired that made it evidently clear that we needed to be finished. The thing is there are so many times in my life when I was absolutely certain that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do... and yet the outcome seemed disasterous for us.... for me.I have come to the conclusion that His will and mine are not always the same.... and that when I am doing all that He asks me to do, I shouldn't expect that things will go the way I imagine they should. His purpose may be something else than what I think it is. For example:
* I knew that Benjamin had promised blessings that were not fulfilled here on the earth. I thought that because I had recieved these promises, Ben would be okay (here on earth). Well, he is okay -- but not here. For God to achieve all that He needed to with Benjamin, and for Benjamin to have those promised blessings, it was necessary for him to die.
* I knew that we were supposed to have the dance studio. I can not tell you how many times in the past I prayed to see if I could be finished. The answer was always no. Why now is it okay? Why did we have to go through the trauma of it all? what was the purpose if it wasn't to bless us as well as the kids? I have some ideas, but konw that ulitmately, Heavenly Father doesn't judge our success on how much money we made. Perhaps that was never His part of the plan in this endeavor. Perhaps Gin and I had to learn lessons. Perhaps there were kids we had to work with and that has been accomplished. Perhaps it was to bless Amber and Joseph.... and now it's time to move on. I have other ideas too... but won't share those.
*I knew we were supposed to have Jade, and yet she died. She will be part of our family forever. Just not now. I have this little glimpse of this precious girl, and have to be patient. She is a promised blessing later. We will see her later.
*I knew that it was okay to buy the land, build the cabin, and now we will likely lose it. What was the purpose in that?
All in all, I feel that ultimately I must be submissive to God regarding all things. I know not the purpose that is to come from the things we do - I mean I know we gain knowledge, but there is more than that. I know that we have tried to live our lives in accordance with His will, but that does not mean we will have the consequences we think we should have because we have done it. Sometimes, the blessings are different than what we think they should be.
Ultimately, it really is the best to surrender to God's will, and let Him mold us to whatever He sees fit. I know it will be better than anything we could do ourselves.
